Progress With Unity Podcast #178: Brentford review

Note: This week's flavour text has been postponed as the regular author is currently under investigation for 'irregularities' involving placement of Penguin biscuits within the PWU fridge. Because he didn't notice the hidden camcorder, he was caught switching mint flavour Penguins with the inferior orange and regular flavours after the other panellists had gone home.

In his absence, the following timecodes have been provided by Google Timecode, a new piece of technology that scans over 17 and a half sources of data including average number of spammers per blog post to provide 100% 50% accurate descriptions.

Tim3code8

0:00 Non-buzzing intrps ~%$
2:00 Brantf0rd chat including elongated ?stats
3:00 PWU hearts DB (Dan Burn) & YW (Yawning Wildshots)
7:30 Mailbag: Morgan on the periphery? %%
14:00 Mick's pilgrimage to St Holt's birthland
15:30 Thinternational break with the White Stripes
17:30 Sacking season: Preston strike again
21:00 £ntry corrupt£d~! FFF
22:00 Owen's transfer u-turn & naive veterans
27:00 Pro sport: "Everything has a price" & reskilling sawker players
33:00 Odelusi scored?! And Burton at the (Spanish) Villa
37:30 401 Marathons: that's a lot of nuts!

Fartwatch: 13:40, 37:40

Progress With Unity Podcast #171: Blackburn and Birmingham reviews, Forest preview

In any game of football, there are three possible outcomes: home win, away win, draw. In mathematical terms, this gives you a 1/3 chance of winning.

But mathematics is, of course, nonsense. If it were so reliable, we wouldn't need a stat man to correct its mistakes.

Cue Fantasy Football style chants of 'Statman! Statman!' from the gallery

However, the troublesome law of averages seems to have applied itself to Latics' first three games of the season, which have included one win, one loss and one draw.

As tribute, we now present a special edition of PWU Win, Lose or Draw! And heeeere's your host - Barry Slattery...

Timecodes:

0:00 Wonderful World of Latics intros
0:40 WIN: Blackburn review with Si's Off The Terrace report (1:00)
5:00 The roasting of Dan Burn
11:00 The boasting of Shane Duffy
12:00 DRAW: Enthusiastic Birmingham review
14:00 RefWatch: the systematic dismantling of 'Grandpa' Simpson
20:00 McDonaldWatch with ketchup
23:00 Transfer Non-Bullbutter of the Week: the new dudes in profile
27:00 Burn your season tickets - Jordi is back!
31:00 Actual Transfer Bullbutter of the Week
36:00 LOSS? (Well, hopefully not.) Forest preview with Statman stats package
41:00 Attendance propaganda & beer donations
43:00 Fans Advisory Board Sep 2016 call for attendees 

Progress With Unity Podcast #170: Bristol City and Oldham review, Blackburn and Birmingham preview

Did the season start yet? Did we lose on Saturday and get dumped out of the League Cup on Tuesday?

Did Will Grigg snatch the Golden Boot? Did Wigan Athletic effortlessly ride a flaming Segway through (almost) all terrified defences on their way to the league title?

Did they beat Preston 5-0 and Blackburn 8-0? Did that freshly-painted open top bus pass through Hindley and Higher Ince on its way to Believe Square?

No? Then wake me up when it all happens, and not a second later. Cheers!

Timecodes:

0:00 Roll up for the fairground intros
1:00 Surprisingly chirpy Bristol City review with 2:00 Si's Off The Terrace report
10:00 Don't Luke Burke in Anger: the jump from academy to first team
17:30 Utter Bullbutter of the Week: Morsy to Scunny & settling the squad
21:50 The world's greatest fart?
24:30 Which Tics is Which? Oldham review
25:00 Under the Mick-roscope: do teams take the EFL Cup seriously?
31:00 Off The Terrace at Boundary Park with Si
34:00 Bamford to Wigan: truth or ball cocks?
"Some snotty nosed kid on Twitter trying to make a name for himself"
42:30 Great Graham Scott! It's the Blackburn preview
45:00 Ebullient Blackburn predictions sponsored by doughnuts and glucose drink
50:00 Season Ticket Blues Vol II: how many sold? A Barry rant
58:00 Brummingham preview and predictions package

Progress With Unity Podcast #169: Bristol City preview, season preview

That's it, silly season's over. No more frivolous gossip and unnecessary gumph to pad out the whole hour we've been allocated by the powers that be. No more obsessing over the super-minutiae. No more watching BT Sport's Betfred Cup and wishing it actually counted for more than a hastily-scribbled beer IOU.

But fret not, dear reader, for there are only about 32 PWU episodes to endure before you can experience it all again! By that time, Wigan Athletic will have been promoted from the Championship, picking up both the League Cup and FA Cup along the way...⸮

Timecodes:
0:00 Simmerin' intros
1:00 Fashionista Corner: best set of kits in the league?
2:00 Pre-season: you didn't miss anything
7:30 Fresh-faced freshmen: new signings
11:30 Welcoming Rob to the Ball and Chain Club
14:30 Transfer bullsh- er, gossip
21:20 Outgoings: Pearce, Grigg?
30:00 Season preview: Perkins, slow starts, spine of the team?
41:30 Yanic Under the Mick-roscope
45:00 Games we're most looking forward to
46:20 Bristol City preview with Refwatch Full Time Pro Special
50:00 Tales from the Shed End and token predictions
52:20 Si's Pre-Season Oddschecker
56:00 Season Ticket Blues

Progress With Unity Podcast #169: Euro 2016 preview

Will Grigg isn't the only reason to keep an eye on Euro 2016. Personally, I'll be watching to witness Gary Lineker's continued transformation into Colonel Sanders - all he needs now is the iconic spectacles and Walkers have one heck of a southern fried dilemma. Ya hear me, partner?

Otherwise, it's the perfect excuse to apply the 'X's on fire, Y is terrified' formula to anything vaguely relevant. You know, like 'Fellaini's on fire, your McDonald's is terrified'.

Actually, screw the football. I want to see 'Fast Food Deathmatch XXI: Gary 'Colonel Sanders' Lineker vs. Marouane 'Ronald McDonaldinho' Fellaini' at Stade de France this month. You must make it happen, Big Brother!

Progress With Unity Podcast #168: Barnsley review, end of season singalong

Eh? What was that yer said theer, lad? I can't hear a ruddy thing - me ears are still ringin' after I stood reet in front o' that loudspeaker durin' t'presentation ceremony on Sunday. Eee, we had nowt like that in my day... back then they just told the compere to speak slightly louder. Yep, 2003 was a difficult year for us all, mark my words.... zzzz snore.

Ed: You wouldn't believe he turns 30 this year, dear readers. Anyway, while he's asleep I should make good use of this rare opportunity and voice my own opinions on every little thing! I shall take great delight in trashing Latics because they played at 75% in a single game, while conveniently ignoring the 40+ other 'smashing' performances this season.

But I... er... have absolutely nothing to say... except that PWU can't sing.

Progress With Unity Podcast #165: Doncaster and Burton reviews, Southend preview

Three more to go. 270 minutes plus however many minutes of injury time those blasted officials dig from the deepest recesses of their sofas' gargantuan butt creases.

Three more afternoons to bemoan the death of the traditional 3pm kickoff. Three more days spent jammed into pathetically tiny train carriages bound for Victorian platforms with crumbling architecture.

Three more times to breathe deeply and watch an inflatable sphere roll around reclaimed sand for an hour and a half. Three more football matches for the PWU team to become very nervous about.

...Unless there are also playoff matches, that is. But such words are tantamount to blasphemy... let's finish this job now!

Progress With Unity Podcast #164: Coventry review, Doncaster and Burton previews

Oh, did someone at the back ask for a bunch of cheesy stats stolen from BBC Sport?

It may surprise you that Wigan haven’t scored more than a single goal in any game at the DW since February. Prior to the 1-1 draw with Peterborough on 5 March, they had only failed to score three in a single game this calendar year – a scoreless draw against Oldham on that new shag pile.

Since that fateful afternoon, the ‘Real Latics’ have beaten Gillingham, Peterborough, Chesterfield, Swindon and Walsall… and of course, drawn with then-leaders Burton Albion. I’d suggest they’ll be safe from relegation now, even if Millwall (A) and Coventry (H) await in the last two games of the season.

But getting back to the ‘Plastic Latics’ and their recent home ‘goal drought’, such as it is… well, I’ll let those boisterous PWU panellists be the judge of that. Hmm, I wonder if Statman will be annoyed that I’m trying to emulate him?

Well, Gaz, mimicry is the saltiest form of battery… or something like that.

Progress With Unity Podcast #160: Colchester review, Bradford preview

Question: How long does it take to get to Mars?

Answer: After a low scoring draw with Bradford, a thumping victory over Swindon, a last minute winner against Rochdale, a boring 0-0 with Coventry, a gutbusting thriller at the Pirelli Stadium, a premature promotion party at Blackpool and a tense final day win to secure automatic promotion on goal difference.

Then, the arrival of eight new players plus one high profile £5m sale to balance the books. A shaky start to a new Championship season with Jussi Jaaskelainen’s place under threat from new signing Roy ’53 Years Young’ Carroll…

Actual answer: If the ExoMars schedule is to be trusted, about 7 months.

“Well, I wish you’d just told me that in the first place.”

Progress With Unity Podcast #148: Blackpool review, Barnsley preview

Oh, my... I have to warn you that this week's From The Terrace report is potentially quite controversial. Not because of its content, but the fact it was recorded during the Blackpool game at the DW Stadium illegally!

If you never hear from us again, presume we've been hunted down by Sky Sports for recording (pretty rubbish) 'live' updates from the stands as the game was happening. And no, you can't have my matchday Thermos after I'm 'gone' - I've already pledged it to the dog in my last will and testament.

Also listen out for a brief chat with Will Grigg about goalscoring, international glory and... Star Wars, perhaps. Well, probably not - I just wanted to appear topical for once.

Progress With Unity Podcast #140: Colchester and Peterborough reviews, Bradford preview

Greetings! I am a humble time traveller, and I bring you news from the future. Did you know that in 2013, Wigan Athletic will win the FA Cup? And that in 2014, they will sign the greatest striker known to (one) man, Grant Holt? And that in 2016, they will... [content censored]

(I had to do that for your own good. In fact, that piece of censored news has persuaded me to quit my job as a Wigan Athletic job description writer forever. Now bog off, you lot. -- Ed)

Well, he was rude, wasn't he? Never mind: I, Dan, will still be here.

...Wait, where are you going? Come back!