Thursday, 23 February 2017
Hello; I am not your small time flavour text writer. He can not be with you this week as he is currently under investigation by the BPB (British Pie Board) for irregularities regarding pre-match pastries. He is said to have advocated Galloways over the obviously superior Hollands, a claim he outright refutes. But following his role in the Penguins in the fridge incident of 2016, such accusations must be investigated.
I have been told to 'write something silly' in his absence, but my nature forbids such foolishness. Hence, the following timecodes have been written by that friendly robotic chap Google Timecode once more.
Have a nice day, pie-munchers.
Copywrong Google Timecode 2017*
*Known to be 82% accurate
0:00 Comeback #ntros
1:50 Latics v Prest£n rev1ew: phantom penalties & phantom runs
8:00 Welcome to defensive stability & Cup Final capers ##}
11:00 (Sadly pieless) QPR v Latics review: arbitrary booking allocation
16:00 We got a penalty, woo yeaaah!
23:00 Stat showdown: King Joyce v Superman Caldwell
27:00 'Draws are no good' vs. 'don't lose under any circumstances' +++
33:00 Does Joyce trust his players?
38:40 Tree-mendous Latics v Forest preview & pred&ctions (42:00)
44:00 Si's Cup Final #5 OddschUcker
49:00 Fear %f failure?
52:00 Shameless All Gone Latics Fanzine plug
Thursday, 16 February 2017
Evenings suck. I have no idea why anyone would record a podcast after 7PM, let alone host a football match. It's dark, cold and everyone has gone home to watch repeats of Hammydale or Botheration Street.
PWU (or at least your flavour text writer) is wholly in favour of the Wigan Post's decision to drop 'evening' from its name. Not due to the above, but because this local publication now appears to be named after the South Stand goalpost Charles N'Zogbia struck as he netted the winner against Arsenal that time.
See, I told you it was a football paper all along!
0:00 Raucous Valentine's intros
2:00 Fulham review: "possession-based football is dead"
9:00 Coulda Woulda Shoulda Corner: What if Jacobs was Superman?
16:00 Wolves review: 85 minutes you'll never get back
18:00 A Bogle in progress & making Man United look average
23:00 The relegation run-in: "Everyone below 14th at risk"
27:00 Preston preview: Cup Final time again & profitable ball boying
29:00 Bogle standard (hehey) predictions and Si's Oddschecker (31:00)
36:00 Phantom scouts representing Latics in Europe
38:00 QPR preview: Rob's life of crime & quick predictions
45:00 Max & Paddy Perkins' Road to Nowhere
Thursday, 9 February 2017
Despite the fact some football might have been happening, I am going to hijack this PWU flavour text in the name of pastries once more. Ohh yessss, it's time to pander to those well-worn stale-otypes!
Wigan-Norwich pastry review 2017
Good: Free [brand name removed] pasties outside the East Stand. There were plenty remaining when your flavour text writer arrived at 7.30pm.
Bad: No pasties (or anything at all) left at half time in the concourse. Apparently the caterers were fired on the spot.
Solution: Re-open Sharpy's as a gourmet pasty restaurant. C'mon Dave, ya know it'll be worth it!
1:30 Sheff Wed review with approximate stats
6:00 Beaten by the Shin of God AKA Jake Fred Buxton
10:30 Return of the Snake: Latics-Norwich review
12:00 No red cards? An ode to sh*thousing
14:50 Norwich Off The Terrace with not Simon
19:00 Dan Burn: The Awesome Truth & Jakob Haugaard: The Awful Truth
29:50 PWU Reader Q&A: Will Latics stay up?
39:00 Fake News: Local Paper Bloopers #19837
40:00 Fulham preview with a quick shoutout for Dan from Fulham fansite Hammyend
44:00 Reverse psychology Fulham predictions
51:00 Wolves preview & speed dating predictions (52:00)
54:00 The DW pitch is ready to explode & obligatory pastry chat
Thursday, 2 February 2017
That's it, lads, show's over! Now that afternoon at the Theatre of Broken Dreams has been forgotten like those 1,001 astounding ideas we think up just before we fall asleep, you can also forget about Wigan Athletic for another four months.
...Or maybe not - you Sly Sporks Snooze guys will be back on Friday evening, won't you? Well, I hope you have your Wigan Pier and Wigan Casino stock footage ready. Oh, and don't forget Uncle Joe's, Heinz spaghetti shapes and meat and tater pies!
Never mind, just roll that tape labelled 'Transfer Window Nonsense', would you? Yeah, I know it's the same one we play twice every year but with the player names digitally altered. You do realise we're on a budget here?
*Lights up a cigarette
0:00 Exciting intros with the Ghost of Yanic
2:30 One million dollars (well, pounds): Man U v Latics review
7:00 "Does this performance stand us in good stead?"
9:20 PWU's Transfer Deadline Day punfest
11:00 Outgoings: The best for Flores, Gomez's marriage proposal, ALF Schwarzenegger
14:00 Exactly what you're here for - Yanic vs. The Fans
17:00 Incomings: golfing Obertan, grinning Mandron, Omar is a Wigan-ah
22:00 Can we go on signing an average of 12 players per window?
32:00 Back on the telly: Sheff Weds preview including Return of the Mac
36:00 Teletext predictions and Si's Oddschecker (38:00)
40:00 Norwich preview: a warning from the officials & more Yanic bashing
43:00 Sore Yanic-related predictions
Fartwatch: 29:40 (with ghost whisper)