Progress With Unity Podcast #166: Southend review, Blackpool preview

Got your snow boots and parka ready? Good, because Blackpool beckons and I don't like the look of that weather forecast. Forget sandcastles, you'd be better served building snowcastles! Fetch the mop bucket and shovel, I fancy making a snow-Caldwell...

Hard to believe it's almost August and Latics' latest campaign to crush the Championship is about to begin. I'm tipping Marc-Antoine Fortune and Grant Holt to be the top scorers for Uwe Rosler this season as chairman Dave Whelan aims for third successive FA Cup Semi Final.

Wait, er... what year is this again? And why is it hailstoning in May? Is this a dream, mother?

On this week's particularly smug edition of the PWU Podcast, your confident panellists explain why it was never once in doubt... and chat about ducks. But that bit was mostly cut out, so the above pic makes little sense...

Progress With Unity Podcast #165: Doncaster and Burton reviews, Southend preview

Three more to go. 270 minutes plus however many minutes of injury time those blasted officials dig from the deepest recesses of their sofas' gargantuan butt creases.

Three more afternoons to bemoan the death of the traditional 3pm kickoff. Three more days spent jammed into pathetically tiny train carriages bound for Victorian platforms with crumbling architecture.

Three more times to breathe deeply and watch an inflatable sphere roll around reclaimed sand for an hour and a half. Three more football matches for the PWU team to become very nervous about.

...Unless there are also playoff matches, that is. But such words are tantamount to blasphemy... let's finish this job now!

Progress With Unity Podcast #164: Coventry review, Doncaster and Burton previews

Oh, did someone at the back ask for a bunch of cheesy stats stolen from BBC Sport?

It may surprise you that Wigan haven’t scored more than a single goal in any game at the DW since February. Prior to the 1-1 draw with Peterborough on 5 March, they had only failed to score three in a single game this calendar year – a scoreless draw against Oldham on that new shag pile.

Since that fateful afternoon, the ‘Real Latics’ have beaten Gillingham, Peterborough, Chesterfield, Swindon and Walsall… and of course, drawn with then-leaders Burton Albion. I’d suggest they’ll be safe from relegation now, even if Millwall (A) and Coventry (H) await in the last two games of the season.

But getting back to the ‘Plastic Latics’ and their recent home ‘goal drought’, such as it is… well, I’ll let those boisterous PWU panellists be the judge of that. Hmm, I wonder if Statman will be annoyed that I’m trying to emulate him?

Well, Gaz, mimicry is the saltiest form of battery… or something like that.

Progress With Unity Podcast #163: Shrewsbury review, Coventry preview

They’re one Right Honourable Tub of Lard MP away from being a certain Friday evening BBC panel show. I’m of course talking about the delightful carousel of celebrity guests that is WISH FM, who have been covering for the absent Neill Rimmer with various employees of Wigan Athletic FC.

Don’t get me wrong – it must be said that dear Rimmsey has been a brilliant ‘game caller’ for both the club and our local FM radio station. But sometimes it’s good to hear a fresh voice – hey, lack of rotating panellists is the reason you stopped listening to the PWU Podcast many moons ago.

Ed Jones, Michael Jacobs and Jonathan Jackson have very capably assumed the co-commentator’s mic in the past month… but who’s gonna be next?

…Well, I can exclusively reveal that Children’s BBC presenter and Muppet wannabe Hacker T Dog is being primed to commentate on this Saturday’s game against Coventry! He last donned the sheepskin coat for a Belgium v Russia World Cup game in 2014, but has been ‘sucking many of Statman’s Uncle Joe’s’ in preparation for his big comeback.

And that’s where this blurb ends, because PWU knows all about sucking. That was too close to the… er… bone.

Woof.