Match Day Report From Behind The X-Ray Machine

Match report from Saturday. 

Ace non-reporter Richard Ricardo non-reporting from a hospital somewhere in  the Midlands:

Match report from the game that wasn't planned to happen.

Saturday morning came as quite a relief. I had no reason to get anxious about whether the train would be delayed despite the benefit of a refund. More than that I would miss the weekly afternoon of heightened anxiety and nail biting.

Instead I took the benefit of earning a few extra quid and getting in someone's good books by picking up a shift at work. The weekly 'Battle of the Duvet' at 07.55 was easily lost this week, so I didn't even do Park Run. When there isn't a game things slacken right off.

Anyway, amongst all the other things I did, I went to the game and here is the report.

It's a bit like Partick Thistle's ghost goal against Morton; everyone saw it but it never happened. 

Pre kick off entertainment included the oppo all doing backward flick flacks in their wish to improve on Rotherham's star burst. As usual our boys hung around. As Nickiohnickiepowell says, having learnt from his mentors Diame and Jordi "why waste energy when you don't need to".

Kick off happened and Sam Morsy who was in Egypt drew a yellow card without even touching the ball.

In came the next patient, on a trolley, sucking hard on entonox. With glee and delight my x-ray was as impressive as Ben's goal but without the repercussions.

I immediately said "you're in good company, Dave Whelan also broke his leg". I was looked at as if I was in the wrong institution.

AAnnttoonnee Robinson was away down the wing, I blinked and he was at the other end with the ball still tethered to his toe - I have no idea where in the USA has an accent broader than a scouse accent, but he has - what a sublime cross, all the way from Wisconsin.

Well, what a surprise .... no one was there. I had a simple straight forward chest x-ray to take. No one but no one was in the waiting room. It was like the Wigan box at a corner. Not a soul.

I lost interest, moaned, shouted at the doctor dressed in black and out of nowhere came Will Grigg.

Like Will's goals the resulting x-ray was sublime. I was on fire, we were 1 up.

The rest of the half was uneventful, but we went in 2 up. That goal came in the 44th minute after endless passing in midfield between Dunkley and James. I hate working with those that simply don't 'do' the difficult hip x rays but just pass the task from one to another.

The ball was picked up by Will, a diagonal zip across the park and in it went. The hip was a stunner. It's all in the build up. We went in 2 up.

It was actually a stunning game on Saturday, we played football which was just like watching Wigan, on a good day, remember the first half against Newcastle?

Jacobs sped through the crack between the defence, despite the hamstring injury. Top right hand corner.

It was disallowed; we are Wigan: Serena ran onto the pitch and told the ref he was a thief and that Jacobs just NEVER cheats.

I noticed that my perfect lateral ankle, repeat not necessary, of one of the flick flackers had been credited to someone else. Serena was escorted off and a ghost goal awarded against us. 2 -1.

There seems to be no justice.

Into the 93rd minute, nearly time to go home. I was knackered and so were Wigan Athletic. They were falling asleep as game should end after 90 minutes, and after 7.5 hours it was time for me to quit.

Can you believe it. Another form arrived. Kipre had a monetary lapse of concentration. Like Hugo used to, they were through. Across came Dan-Burn-is-superman in 4 strides, the ball was blocked. It was nearly another last second goal.

It's entertaining stuff apparently.

The whistle blew. I put the form down and ambled off. It was up to someone else.

Man of the Match - It could only be Mr Vaughan, even though he never came on. He's more enthusiastic than Max used to be.

Final score Wigan 2 - them 1 (dubious goal, but not worth repeating).

Richard Ricardo